A Few Important Updates...

Happy early 4th of July everyone! I hope that you are able to enjoy your Independence Day with your family. Just wanted to do a brief post to update you on a few things. If any of you pay attention to our adoption timeline on the sidebar, you know that we've had a few changes recently. First, the FDL letter FINALLY arrived on June 4th (72 days after they received our initial I600-A application and paperwork--so they were 3 days early according to their timeline. :) Second, we sent our dossier (a collection of legal forms and paperwork needed for our adoption) into our agency...we only had to redo 4 documents, so that was good! And third...we received a very nice phone call...one we'd waited over 15 months for...and here is the 411 of that call:

As of Monday, June 27th, WE HAVE MADE IT TO THE WAITLIST!

So, let me run you through the fast explanation of the waitlist. Once your homestudy is complete, and all of your dossier paperwork is submitted to your agency & approved, you go onto a waitlist. This means that you and other families are waiting for the referral of an adoptable child from your agency. I don't know if all agencies are like ours (actually, I tend to think NO other agencies are like ours -- they're great!) but our agency gives us waitlist numbers. This number means that there are x amount of families waiting on the list ahead of us. So, here are our waitlist numbers for the month of June:

We are number

on the girl's waitlist,

(that means there are 111 families within our agency that are ahead of us "in line" for a girl referral)

number

on the boy's list,

and number

on the siblings list.

So now we play the waiting game. I happen to have a list of SEVERAL projects that I want/need to do while we wait. We still have some fundraising to do, so be looking for that coming soon. For the most part, it's just getting my physical, mental and spiritual places ready for an addition to our family...perhaps like the things you do while going through pregnancy...except we're paper pregnant.

So anyway, that's the July weekend update...have a great 4th!

The Monster Within...issues with attachment

Okay, so I have been trying to write this blog entry since May...and am having difficulty with how I want to write it! Partly because it requires me to be quite transparent, but mostly due to difficulty in expressing, in words, what God has been teaching and revealing to me of late. 

So you may be wondering about the picture associated with this post. This picture is actually from a 1970 Season 2 Episode of Where Are You Scooby Doo?, entitled "Nowhere to Hyde", but it is a really great visual representation describing my heart's journey during April and May, as a monster had taken up residence in my heart. I say "had taken up residence", but what I am learning is that it was there before & I just failed to fully recognize it. 


If you've read my previous post(s), you know that adoption is a waiting game with a huge paper trail and no certainty of any kind. Recently we had been waiting for our FDL letter to arrive (a slip of paper that states that you have been "favorably determined" as an adoptive parent -- in its most basic of terms). Now, in an effort to not appear deceptive, I will tell you that we were told the turn-around time was running about 75 days from the date our paperwork was initially received by USCIS (in our case, the end of February). We waited, and waited and waited. Meanwhile we witnessed countless families working with our same agency, who had gone for the fingerprint appointments after us, communicating with and getting updates from their USCIS (United States Citizenship and Immigration Services) case worker and receiving their letters in what seemed like record time. Don't get me wrong, we were SO happy for those families, but the communication we weren't receiving made the waiting much harder. The lack of apparent consistency made it the worst!


And what I began to realize was that I was allowing (at times fully embracing) this circumstance in my life to throw me into a pit of despair. My ever-grounded, faithful husband seemingly welcomed this apparent road block with amazing peace in his heart. Not me. I was vehemently opposed to it, trying to do everything within my power to find out what the hold up was, even wrongly scoffing inside at those who reminded me (correctly, mind you) that this was all a part of God's perfect design to lead us the child or children that He has planned for our family. I KNEW that they were right, and that it was part of His perfect plan. I just didn't want that to be the way it was. I was having a major heart issue (my Mr. Hyde persona, if you will). I wanted to understand why things were unfolding the way that they were, and see the plan and path laid before us, and when I couldn't, inside my spirit rebelled. In the book Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, each persona is part of one person. Maybe this is not the appropriate representation of what my feelings were at the time. Maybe the dueling consciences on my left and right shoulders would have been better? 

Anyway, my Dr. Jekyll side fully recognized the Mr. Hyde taking residence in my spirit. "What is wrong with you?!", I would think to myself. Internally I was allowing myself to defiantly reject the plans of the One who had brought me to this point, and what I have come to realize is my own attachment issues with my father God. I was only okay with trusting Him as long as I could see the path of His plan, and the lack of sight caused me to try and get behind the wheel and steer this ship myself in whatever capacity I could. Hadn't I learned yet that this is NOT what is best for me? No, I hadn't. So much so, that I am only beginning to understand how much I still have to learn about trust and truly surrendering to the will of God and His plan.


Ironically, there has been a theme growing around me in my life since that realization. This summer I have been participating in a Women's Bible Study through my church by Lysa Terkeurst (Proverbs 31 ministries) called Made to Crave. In it she talks of the grumbling Israelites in the wilderness.  Chuck Swindoll, on his radio program, recently spoke of the Israelites who never saw the Promise Land because of their willful disobedience to God. And in a book I am reading now by Francine Rivers (Titled: A Lineage of Grace) about five women in the Bible, I have read about Tamar and Rahab: stories that took place during the desert wandering timeline. A coincidence? I think not. 

I have been living the life of a desert wanderer, willfully putting God to the test and demanding the plan that I want from Him. And He, who is faithful, has been drawing my attention to it. Thank you Father for teaching me that I have not fully trusted in and attached myself to you. Thank you for reminding me that "in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:27-29 
I pray that you continue to teach me that Your plan is better than my own, and that these experiences will continue to grow me and assist me in preparation for the attachment journey we will go through with our little one(s). 

Nicole

Waiting...still...

Okay, so we are still waiting for our FDL (favorable determination letter) to come in the mail. Supposedly the going wait-rate is 4 months (to the day) that your letter takes to arrive from your fingerprint appointment date. That date was this past Wednesday. Yes, I know it's only Saturday, but as I said in my last post, I've never been a patient person. I HATE waiting. So this poem came in my email box today...it was from our agency's Ethiopia update email.

Wait with Faith

Lord you have faithfully shown me
So many times before
And this time is no exception, Lord
And simply can't be ignored

That you know all that concerns my life
Everything your eyes do see
You always come through at just the right time
To meet my every need

For nothing escapes your watchful eye
No problem that we may cross
But so often, Lord, it seems as though
There's a delay in your response

I know it's a testing of our faith
To wait so patiently
You stretch us so our faith may grow
Though we want it instantly

But it's for our good that you respond
In your time, not in ours
For if you didn't - we'd stay as infants
Getting everything right now

For us to grow more Christ-like
We need to learn to wait
For often that's the answer to prayer
And builds us up in faith

So I thank you for the answer to come
As I hand it over in prayer
Thank you that you're still working on me
And my breakthrough's drawing near

© By M.S.Lowndes

I can't say that I liked this poem, in fact, I didn't like it at all. But I still know that it is the truth. I read it with a lot of growling under my breath and a lot of eye-rolling. And yet, I still know...it's TRUE. What is it about us as humans that makes us not okay with things like this? Why do we struggle with knowing and accepting that GOD, the maker, creator, knower (I think I just made that word up) of ALL the appointed days--even mine--has EVERYTHING under control, and knows BETTER than we do? Why do we INSIST, and sometimes demand, that we be part of the inner workings of the plan...in-the-know, as it were?

So here's a video of a gal who knows my battle with trust, control and waiting, because she's traversed the road ahead of me. I'm thinkin' I may need to go out and buy myself this book!

Well, I guess I'll go on waiting...have a great weekend!

Waiting...always a challenge

I've never been a patient person...ask anyone who knows me. So any of you who know how international adoption works know that this is going to be a challenge for me! They don't call it the "waitlist" for nuthin'! :) 

When you send your dossier in and it is approved, you get a number. Basically, this is the number you are in "line" for the referral of a child. And you wait...and wait...and wait...the last time I saw an "unofficial" waitlist for our agency, the last number for a girl was in the 80's and the last number in line for a boy was in the 60's...that means that potentially 60-80 people are in line before you. Before the announcement that MOWA (Ministry of Women's Affairs) in Ethiopia was going to be reducing the number of daily referrals from 40/50 to 5 the wait time was about 8-10 months on average. By the way, they aren't just processing 5 referrals for your agency per day...they are processing 5 referrals period...that means from all of the other agencies requesting referrals for the adoption of an Ethiopian child. You can see...waiting and patience are kind of a pre-requisite for an international adoption. This is something I chose to willingly face...my aversion to waiting...and let me tell ya' it's already a challenge! And I'm not even on the list yet! 

Well if you aren't even on the waitlist yet, why is it a challenge you may ask?? Well, we have been waiting for our FDL letter (Favorable Determination letter) to arrive in the mail so that we can send in our dossier. This is a letter that says that you are favorably determined adoptive parents that have permission to bring your adopted child into the U.S. as a citizen of the U.S. We went to get our fingerprints taken on the 30th of March for this letter. They say it is about a 4 week wait to get the letter once finger printed. I was good with that! 

Today marks the 3 week date. I've been anxiously awaiting the mailman everyday since Saturday...and I was NOT a happy camper when he so ungraciously left my mailbox EMPTY yesterday! So, as you can see, I will be needing a covering of prayer for patience for the waitlist wait and anything else that comes my way. With international adoption, you never know...EVERYTHING is uncertain! Uncertainty...something else I struggle with. Thank you in advance for your prayers!

I do not want to completely discredit the mailman. He has brought me some happy things of late. Like the Christmas Gift Thank You letter from my Compassion sponsored child in Ghana, Africa. We sponsor three boys. 1 in Ghana and 2 in the Dominican Republic. These boys are one of the reasons we looked into international adoption.

If you can believe this, my Ghana child (a 10-yr old boy) told me in his thank you: "you are the hit of my dreams, the cornerstone of my world and treasure of sweetness. Thank you for your love and care." Would you like to know what I sent him for Christmas? $20...yep, that's it. Would you like to know what he received for $20? A bath towel, a pair of socks, and material to make a new shirt and pants (trousers, as he called them)...and I'm the cornerstone of his world...WOW.

Perspective...necessary medicine for when you are complaining and anxious about waiting a few weeks. Please Lord, send me more perspective in the coming days. I will need it!

If you would like some perspective of your own, check out the Compassion website here: http://www.compassion.com

Consider sponsoring a child...but be careful...we considered one and took 3! :) Happy Hump Day to you all!

Just for fun...Happy Hump Day!

Here's a video to get you through Hump Day! You're over the hump and half-way through the week! I think this little girl is AMAZINGLY cute! If we only had heard these stories like this when we were little (maybe some of you did)...and if we only knew these stories stories like she does...from memory! Enjoy!

(***DON'T FORGET TO PAUSE THE MUSIC BOX ON THE SIDE BAR OF THE PAGE BEFORE PLAYING THE VIDEO!***)

Nic


The story of Jonah from Corinth Baptist Church on Vimeo.

Two Children Wait No More...

Praise God that two families Eric and I have been following in "blog land" have returned home today with their newly adopted family members! The Jewett's and the Nordstrom's have returned home with their daughters! (To view the Nordstrom's site, click HERE. To visit the Jewett's site click HERE. We had the privilege and honor of being able to drive up to Sioux City, Iowa to attend our first ever "Welcome Home" gathering for the Nordstrom family at the "large and in charge" Sioux Gateway Airport. (The size of this airport is a complete exaggeration for those of you who have never had the opportunity to encounter this airport.) To say that the welcoming crew descended on the waiting area and overtook it, would be an understatement. Eric asked me if I knew what flight number they were arriving on, to which I promptly burst out laughing and said, "I'm sure we won't have trouble finding them in the ONE waiting area...they'll be the group with all of the balloons, posters, and Africa shirts on!" He cracks me up sometimes. CLEARLY he does not follow all of the adoption blogs like I do...I love him, what can I say?

We would have also loved to have been a part of the Jewett homecoming, but as they live in the SE United States and we live in the Midwest (sadly I have not yet, to my knowledge, learned to clone myself or aparate to two different locations) we were not able to accomplish this. If I'd have been able to be in both places today, believe me, I would have - as Lady Jewett has been a TREMENDOUS source of encouragement, support and knowledge to me in our own adoption journey. Luv ya' girl! ;) The Nordstroms have been an encouragement too, although they are probably less aware of that fact. ;)



I have only seen photos and read of the many Airport Welcomings through adoption blog land, but this was the first one I have been able to be a part of, and it was wonderful. It was such a joy to watch the Nordstrom kids wait in anticipation (*note all of the faces of the above pic) of their parents and new sister's arrival, literally counting down the minutes...fun to witness what a wonderful supportive network they have walked with throughout this process. (We strategically placed ourselves with the camera so that we could capture the overwhelming emotion of Mom and Pop Nordstrom de-boarding the plane and the siblings response to it.) There are no words to describe it!



We have followed the Nordstrom's journey through their blog and exchanged brief messages with them, and today we got to officially meet them. (Which is strange, considering that when you follow someone's blog for the better part of a year you feel like you already know them well!) Of course, the meeting was brief and we did not wish to take up too much of their time when they had traveled so long and far and had so many people vying for their attention! So we introduced ourselves, visited briefly, gave our congratulations, and slipped out quietly to allow them time with the rest of their friends and family. We merely wanted to encourage them and show them support in the final leg of their adoption journey home. Now she is their daughter and a new chapter of the journey will begin.



Their new daughter, is BEAUTIFUL! She handled the swarm of people surprisingly well, quietly taking it all in from the comfort and security of her parents arms. I had the most enjoyment watching her...wondering what she was thinking, how she was feeling, and how my son or daughter might feel if they encounter the same situation. I feel so blessed to have been a part of this celebration.



Thanks Nordstroms and Jewetts for allowing us to "walk" with you and to be a part of your journey. It has been so wonderful to witness the God-sized plan He has laid before you and how He has guided you down this path. I pray you much rest and special time with your family in the weeks to come.

Nic

In the wake of many changes: Letting God be God...

These last several weeks have been a doozie for us here in mid-west Iowa...when the enemy comes calling, I'd like to say I'm always prepared for it, but many times I am blindsided by it. It is never an expected visit...and it's usually not a short one.

A co-worker and friend of mine passed away unexpectedly in the beginning of March. Another friend of mine is up against substantial battles in her life. In my personal life, on March 8th the Ministry of Women's Affairs (MOWA)-which deals directly with adoptions cases within the country-decided to reduce the number of cases it reviews and processes each day by up to 90%. There is still a lot of ups, downs and uncertainties with this at this time.

To say that these things have not affected me would be dishonest at best. In fact, the despair readily took hold of me as each of these events was added upon the other in that 48 hour period. Many questions regarding our adoption immediately began to surface in my brain.

Does this mean that the country will shut down and we won't be able to adopt from Ethiopia? Does this mean that wait times will substantially increase like they have in other countries? (The wait time for bringing a healthy child in China back home was 4 years as I last heard it.)

Not surprisingly my husband says he has peace about this situation...it bugs the snot out of me that he can feel that way sometimes and I don't. :) However the peace did not take long in coming. That following Sunday, during my pastor's sermon, God reassured me of His hand in the details of every path and to refocus my perspective. I love it when He does this...and boy am I ashamed to admit how often I need it.

If you are interested in hearing my pastor's sermon (which is likely to sound much better than my pastor's paraphrased quotes and statements below), follow this link:

http://www.valley-church.com/dlgMediaPlayer.aspx?id=1437

He started the sermon with a 1962 clip of JFK talking about choosing to go to the moon not because it is easy, but because it is HARD. 7 years later Neil Armstrong set foot on the moon.

Our pastor's message was this: DO HARD THINGS - Any great thing is accomplished through great difficulty.

5 types of hard things:

1. things outside your comfort zone - taking risk in order to grow
2. things that go beyond what's expected/required - going the extra mile
3. things too big to accomplish alone - dreaming and daring big with other people involved
4. things that don't earn an immediate payoff - be faithful, choosing integrity even if you don't see the payoff immediately
5. things that go against the cultural norm - taking a stand and choosing what is right over what is popular or commonly accepted as okay

The basic gist of the message was this: KEEP ON - God tells us don't be afraid...I've got your back and I'm with you. It's going to be hard but there are still many people that you are going to impact through this journey and I am going to use you, so I will protect you. KEEP ON.

He said that we live in a culture of low expectations that tell us we can't do it. We've been told again and again we can't do it, so just give up and give in. THIS is a lie. We CAN do it.

I would definitely say that I have a strong resemblance to Peter in the Bible where he goes out to Jesus, walking on the water. Maybe you have a strong resemblance to him too. Just as Peter experienced in his story...the wind, the muck, the mire and the waves we face in life seek to overpower us...to freeze us in fear until we sink into despair. We, like Peter, become distracted by the obstacles and the fear that rises up because of the obstacles, rather than focus on the path that God has set us on.

This is where I found myself in church on Sunday after all the events I had experienced that week. Pastor Quintin reminded me that we are not exempt from hardships...in fact, we are guaranteed hardships. Challenges are normal but the help is abnormal. If we think we can't do it, that's false. God has a bigger plan. God does not say "I know the plans you have for you...he says I know the plans I have for you."

I needed this reminder that Sunday in March...that He DOES have a plan, and His plan is NOT my plan. He WILL come to our aid.

Pastor Quintin closed by saying: "God's will. Nothing more, nothing less, nothing else."

Thanks Lord for that reminder and reassurance.

Nic